My whole body is a target
I wait for an arrow quiver
strike to kill my aches
& when I look in the mirror
I want to throw knives
crack reflections, crumble self-hate
I see my glitter eyelids
crying as sparkles run down my cheek
then the light hits me
if I were radiating a soft worded prayer
I think of men who only gave me warnings
their crucifix morphs into pitchfork
rosary becomes whip
If I’m dirty, what if I washed in a blessed river
If I’m hurting, is it because I deserve it
I am willing to bow down on my knees, hands-up for salvation
only if the mercy is radical, if you don’t care about my head spinning
around 360, only if I can be my true, authentic self, you cannot fear me
for we terrify at the same altar
we bury our wickedness in the same dry-cracked
stolen earth.
Mateo Perez Lara (they/them/theirs) is a queer, non-binary, Latinx poet from California. They have a pamphlet titled Glitter Gods, showcased with Thirty West Publishing House. They have an MFA in Poetry from Randolph College. They run Blastbones Poetry Events in Bakersfield, California. Their work has been published in The Maine Review, The Acentos Review, and elsewhere.
Photo credit: Mikail Nilov